i have entered a new world of humanity. A somewhat secret life that has been awaiting my arrival. It feels so foreign to me to have such a crowd so fast. my mind never let me believe that people can accept me as a sad pittied girl. They know that there is someone deep inside of me, willing to let out a blissful laugh, they know it just takes time. my home does not want me any longer, there are much too many tears to soak the bruises. late nights when i cannot sleep, i fear im choking on the pain that isnt fair. loved ones surround me as my home slips away and disapears, but my eyes are shut closed hiding. i feel the beauty i cannot see. And know the beauty i will be..............and yet i push the world aside, watching my retched soul die.